


#18: I am Probably Not a Bird

by PetrichorPerfume



Category: Supernatural
Genre: AU: The World Doesn't End, Bird mating rituals, Birds, Cas builds a house, Cas has a List, Cas is not a bird, Cas may or may not be a bird, Cute, Dean Loves Pie, Fluff, Happily Ever After, M/M, Mating Rituals, Pie, Wings, bird!cas, rainbow wings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-06-13
Updated: 2014-06-13
Packaged: 2018-02-04 12:55:47
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,166
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1779865
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PetrichorPerfume/pseuds/PetrichorPerfume
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Castiel has a List of Things that states quite clearly that he is not a bird. He'll need to do some serious editing when he comes up with a one hundred percent fool-proof plan to woo Dean using avian mating rituals.</p>
            </blockquote>





	#18: I am Probably Not a Bird

Castiel is not a bird. That fact is pretty high up on his List of Things I Know, along with other Important Things like _#1: I Love Dean Winchester_ and _#3: Sam Winchester is my Best Friend._ Dean had called him a bird often enough that he’d been forced to check with several avian experts and a few priests. He’d even asked a kind-hearted, wise-looking old woman who had firmly assured him that, no, he was _not_ a bird.

 

Castiel’s confusion stemmed from the fact that he had bird-like wings and feathers, occasionally made bird-like chirping sounds (“Didn’t everyone?” He’d asked Dean when the hunter had questioned) and, most recently, had been displaying bird-like behavior. But he wasn’t a bird, and that was that.

 

Castiel didn’t need to be a bird, though, to understand the simple, classic, timeless elegance that birds displayed during their mating rituals. It was because of the simple beauty of his avian friends’ behavior that he came up with a completely, totally, one hundred perfect foolproof plan. It _wasn’t_ because he was a bird, however, because he was emphatically not.

 

He started with a lavish display of his wings in front of Dean, Sam, and Bobby. He knew that Sam and Bobby weren’t a threat to his prospects to Dean, but he’d heard that it was never too early to get on the good side of the in-laws. It was too late, of course, for Dean to even _try_ to get along with his family, but he figured that that was the price of stopping the Apocalypse before it had started. That didn’t mean _he_ couldn’t do it the right way, though.

 

He’d made his wings as beautiful as possible in anticipation of this moment. They were rainbow colored – red at the base and violet at the tip – iridescent and glowing. They shimmered like the night sky, and smelt like roses and lavender. Their perfume filled the room and though Castiel was not a prideful angel, he was proud to be able to show their glory to Dean and his loved ones.

 

Had he been in Heaven presenting his wings to an angel, the other angel would have been able to see, clear as day, stark as night, that he was a fierce warrior, a loyal friend, and an excellent caretaker.

 

Had he been a bird – which he wasn’t – any other bird would feel lucky to have him as their mate.

 

Dean wasn’t an angel, though, and he was even less of a bird than Castiel was – and Castiel was _not_ a bird. In the end, Castiel had walked away, pride bruised, Dean’s laughter still ringing in his ears, with a ninety-percent foolproof plan.

 

Since Castiel wasn’t a bird, the next part of his plan didn’t involve dancing like one. He’d chosen a more human routine in order to woo his future mate, one that was elegant yet fierce, beautiful yet powerful, complex yet understandable.

 

In retrospect, Castiel thought as he reviewed his now seventy-five-percent foolproof plan, ballet probably wasn’t the best option to have chosen to impress someone like Dean.

 

Dean didn’t have feathers to groom, which made sense because he wasn’t a bird (not that Castiel was a bird, either) so Cas offered to help him wash his body. It went about as well as could be expected. His plan was down to fifty-perfect.

 

It stated quite clearly on Castiel’s List of Things I Know that _#13: Dean Winchester Cannot Say No to Pie._ It was only logical, then, to provide Dean with pie. That part of his plan went well enough to push Castiel’s confidence in his plan back up to seventy-percent. However, hunting down pie in the local Gas n’ Sip didn’t do much in the way of proving to Dean that he was a fierce and mighty warrior capable of protecting any future fledglings.

 

Showing up at Dean’s motel door with a freshly-slaughtered bovine might not have been the best way to do so, either, Castiel reflected as he handed Dean an apology hamburger.

 

Castiel’s plan was only thirty-perfect foolproof as he embarked on the last part of his courtship. He had no real reason to believe that it would work, other than the fact that Plan B was to ignore the first thing on his List of Things I Know.

 

So he built a house. It was a nice house, by most standards. It was five stories tall and built on five hundred acres of land in rural Montana. It was big enough for the four of them to live comfortably without bumping into each other – well, Castiel hoped that he and Dean would be seeing a lot of each other, but that didn’t mean he wanted Sam or Bobby walking in on what would hopefully be occurring between him and his favorite human. It had a fully-stocked library and an arsenal, because even though he hoped that Dean would give up hunting before it killed him, he didn’t expect it to happen right away. It also had three doghouses, because there were few things that Castiel wanted more on his List of Things I Really Want than a dog or three.  It had numerous bedrooms and spacious bathrooms with tubs big enough for two.

 

“I built you a house, Dean. I hope it is to your liking,” Castiel said as he showed Dean, Sam and Bobby the house.

 

“This isn’t a house, Cas. This is a mansion,” Dean said, taking in the enormity of the structure before him.

 

Castiel smiled at the praise. “Thank you, Dean.”

 

Then Dean rushed in without another word, and Cas tried not to let the shattered pieces of his heart fall as Sam and Bobby clapped him on the back with words of thanks.

 

Okay, so maybe his plan _wasn’t_ so foolproof after all, but he’s not ready to give up yet.

 

“I love you, Dean Winchester,” Castiel says one morning at the table while they’re eating a nice breakfast their maid – Italian, not French, because Castiel didn’t think that the outfits French maids wore were conducive to sanitary conditions around the house – had made them.

 

Dean doesn’t say anything for a long while, and after a couple of seconds Castiel begins to think that he was wrong about _#2: Dean Winchester Loves Me Back But is Too Foolish to Admit It_ in his List of Things I Know, but then Dean says, “I love you, too, Cas,” and Castiel silently replaces #2 with _Dean Winchester Has Admitted to Loving Me Back._

 

Sam takes out a pamphlet on Avian Mating Rituals and slams it down on the table, looking triumphant. Dean just grins like he knows a secret and he’s not telling, but Castiel doesn’t mind moving _#7: I am not a bird_ from his list of Things I Know to _#18: I am probably not a bird_ on his list of Things I am Pretty Sure But Not Entirely Convinced Of.

 

“Idjits,” Bobby mutters, but Castiel couldn’t be happier.


End file.
